Monday, March 3, 2014

Having Less Tolerance for Environmental or Self Induced Situations

I was talking with one of my best friends the other day and she hit the nail on the head with how I've been feeling lately. Due to my son Aj having special needs, who will soon undergo autism evaluation but has always had special needs regardless of whatever future diagnosis he receives, I have found myself with zero tolerance for behaviors that are stemmed from environmental aspects.

Allow me to explain; raising a child that has special needs has opened my eyes to realize far too many adults place their children into unnecessary drama filled lies and in turn ruin their children. It's an uphill battle every day for me, for the past seven years, to raise my son Aj who was first diagnosed ADHD, then later mood disorder with anxiety and now being evaluated for autism instead. I have had a long many of years working with my son to ensure he thrives at life, always has a positive home environment and the structure of his home is one he can thrive and grow in. I do not have any control on outside influences so I am sure to raise him in a way that allows him to blossom to the best of his abilities. I also raise my other two children the same.

Let's Raise our Children not Befriend Them

I have zero tolerance for children or even adults who know better. My son Aj doesn't always know better in some areas of life. Aj struggles to understand social ques, that life doesn't happen the same way every day and he struggles in ways that most of us take for granted. That means when my own children or other people's children act amuck, I have zero tolerance for that behavior. I guess raising a child with special needs really opens your eyes to other families and people who create such drama upon their own self and their own children and it makes you sick to your stomach.

I have no time for the excess drama. I have no time for people who wish to live in a way that belittles their children, that brings their children down and confuses them thus creating a very negative childhood. I much prefer seeing adults who can lead their family by example, sucking up issues they have within their own self, or better yet adults getting help for their issues. Sadly, most adults won't acknowledge their inner deep issues so therefore they "have none and it's all you". I beg to differ.

I am the strength for my children. I have always been and I will always be. That won't ever change. I am who I am and I worked damn hard to get here today. I worked on my inner demons, I accepted things I couldn't change and I sucked things up to be the parent and co-parent I needed to be and still need to be for my children. With that being said, it doesn't mean my life is full of awesomeness and great days, happiness is not about always feeling happy. Happiness is a place you get to within your own self, a place of inner peace and with that comes the ability to work out any challenges.

I, however, also know when to back away from something that is out of my control. I also know when enough is enough and I realize this isn't benefiting my children nor myself. One thing that my bestest of friends will remind me is this; no matter what happens in your life, no matter how much you may love certain people, if those people and their situations bring you down and change who you are, then it's time to rethink and find a way to resolve and/or move on from the situation. I am not scared to do what needs to be done in order to continue living a fulfilled life of happiness. I will not allow myself nor my children to fall prey to those who wish to stem more drama in their lives. I don't do drama, it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

What I do do, is raise my children and keep myself moving forward. My children are very important to the future and so should yours be.  I have a zero tolerance policy for lack in parenting that has resulted in a display of ill behaved children later in life. I cannot say my children are perfect but I can say they learn from their mistakes, always, because I have raised them and parented them - not been their best friend. Being a parent is all about balancing the treatment of children as individuals, teaching them consequences will happen for their actions and that they are respected, trusted and loved regardless of whether they don't think so in the moment of a parent having to discipline them. I have heard it all, but at the end of the day, my children no matter how upset from a decision I make, love and respect me and still to this day come to me when they need a shoulder to lean on and an ear to vent to.

"Image courtesy of jscreationzs / FreeDigitalPhotos.net".