Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Teaching Kids that Mom Needs Time but Still Loves You

It's easy for my kids to understand that Mama needs time away but still loves them. Why? Because they have lived it their whole lives. Take my daughter, for example, her Dad and I have been co-parenting in separate households since she was four months of age. This type of co-parenting situation has been her norm for many, many years and she accepts that this is how it is until she reaches an age of being able to make some visitation decisions on her own. My daughter has had a balance even with co-parenting visits all of her life so she understands that Mama needs time away too, and still loves her.

My son's have learned through different aspects, even when I was married and living with my ex husband after our divorce, I would often take advantage of time away from the chaos of raising two hyper boys and enjoy peace and quiet alone. This is normal for every parent and because I took advantage of this from day one with my children, all three of them, they have an appreciation for what they need to ensure they stay on a happy path of being their own self and loving life.

In raising my kids to have time away from their parents they have learned that just because Mom or Dad isn't around doesn't mean they don't love them. My kids know they are loved and never question that, well there may be times but I cannot get into that online. My kids know that no matter what they do, no matter how far away their parents are, that they will see them on whichever day it is to visit the other parent and that they are loved whether together or apart from said parent.

I think every child needs to feel this security but sadly with co-parenting that is not always the case, especially if the parents tried to shelter the kids from divorce as a means to protect them. Kids need to learn what the real world is all about, that it isn't all candy and sunshine. That hard times can fall upon people, it is how those people work to move forward from it that can teach our children of the world how to properly move forward or to lead an adult life as a messed up adult thinking that everything should always be fine.

I would much rather watch children struggle through hard times than be sheltered, living in a bubble only to be tossed out to the wolves when they become adults. Let's work together to teach our children that they loved even when you are away from them. Teach our children of the world the security to feel loved when all alone. That is how you build a secure child which leads to a secure adult more often than not.