Thursday, April 26, 2012

I Don't Really Realize I'm Stressed until...

I start looking at my belly fat and realizing my stress sticks to the belly and makes me thicker in the belly area. My shoulders become boulders, rock hard and my head can't seem to get rid of this ongoing headache.

I never walk around saying I am stressed out, I do use the term overwhelmed at times for I do have a lot going on but sitting here thinking about what is overwhelming me is just not possible nor how I wish to live my life.

The problem is, more and more keeps getting added slowly each day. As each day passes I feel my health fading more and more. I don't have health insurance so to go to the doctor is something I rarely ever do. I keep up with my OBGYN stuff through a place I can go for free but other than that I have zero clue if my high blood pressure is back, if my cholesterol is okay or even if my lower abdomen cramping that has been getting worse is a sign of anything bad.

I can apply for a grant through the county, maybe I should, but I feel my income wouldn't qualify me for much of a break on health care costs. I just wish I had stayed married for health insurance reasons, haha! So while my body is telling me I am stressed, I can't seemed to get my mind wrapped around that. I've been stuffing my head into my Kindle Fire at night reading books and not getting much sleep as we are weaning the five year old off of one med so that he can get on risperdal.

With every med change there's a very stressful situation at home for my five year old is either extremely hyper happy or extremely angry aggressive hyper. This med change has proven to bring out my five year old's happy hyper, so while it's a wonderful happy thing, it's also extremely difficult to deal with along side a 3 and 9 yr old who need their Mama just as much. School break has been spent mainly outdoors to avoid indoor conflicts with my five year old's change during this med switch but I am so ready for a vacation because no matter how many times my brain doesn't seem to realize I am stressed... my body and health is telling me I can't handle one more thing right now for I may break down.