When times get difficult and I wonder where I will find the strength to move forward, I turn to music.
When faced with a situation that I know needs to be adjusted yet I can't seem to find my strength, I turn to music.
When my backbone disappears, as it often does, and I am found having to stand up tall and strong but can't, I turn to music.
I am one of those people who spends most of her life making sure everyone around her is happy. I am happy within when I see my children happy and I will forever live to keep my children happy, healthy, safe and loved but I shouldn't be spending my time avoiding confrontations because I know what needs to be done.
I am strong in many ways, weak in others. It seems my weakness gets the best of me at times and when I sit down to think about this weakness, it almost sounds like an excuse. Anyone how knows me knows how much I hate excuses and I don't "hate" much of anything. Excuses get to me badly, yet here I am using them.
Sometimes when someone is looking into your situation and is not inside of that situation nor has never lived it, they may not "get it" and they may place judgement upon you for being where you are in life. When others do not understand your situation then they place judgement out of confusion, it's only natural. I am used to do it, but have learned to not do such things because after going through the various things I have in life, I am one to know that sometimes humans do things that make no sense to anyone else.
All I need is my strength back. I need to not fear confrontation. I need to live my life to the fullest not only for myself but for my children. My children need to see that when times get tough, I don't give in - I get it straightened out.
I am a go getter in many areas of my life. I don't put up with shit on many levels, but on other levels in life .... I just can't seem to stand tall and firm in what I know to be right in my heart and mind. I wonder why that is?