Saturday, November 12, 2011

Two Days In a Daze

When times get rough for me I don't keep moving forward, but I also try not to sink into a major state of depression. I pride myself in being very aware of my body, emotions and am in tune with what is going on inside of my head for the most part. The past couple of weeks have been very difficult for me, let's just say some major financial changes have left me working longer than normal hours, which I actually enjoy, and trying to make sure to make ends meat so that I can stay afloat.

Decisions have been made to cut any extras from my budget, although there were few extras I cut the few that I could cut. For instance I can't cut the electric as we need that to live in a home, I can't cut the Internet as I need that for my income and I can't cut rent for I need a roof over my children's heads.

I took two days and didn't talk much, stared up into the sky often and simply worked on finding my inner peace. That place inside of me that allows me to be balanced and positive. I found a pull towards faith and questioning of religion; something I have very little education about. I found myself wondering what decisions need to be made in my life to allow my children to flourish and to allow me to be the person I need to be in order to succeed in life.

After spending two days in a daze and crashing so hard for two days I found that something needed to be done. I couldn't be falling asleep so hard that no one could wake me and this happened twice in one week. My father mentioned me being low on iron which wouldn't surprise me but without health insurance I can't just go rush to the doctors every time I feel like something is "off". So I just assume that too much has been placed in my hands and I have let go of things/situations I have no control over.

It is extremely difficult to just "let go" but if you find that certain situations in life are getting you down yet you can truly have no control over them then just let t hem go. It does you and your family no good to let what you can't control burden you. I have let go and when I finally decided to let go of those things I can not control, I found an inner peace, a smile came upon my face and I no longer feel so tired I could crash.

I am at a better place because I am now able to let go of those situations I can not control and have put my faith in positive thinking with the idea of moving forward in a new direction in life, one that allows me to be more confident in my feelings; to not just say what's on my  mind but have meaning and actions behind it. You only live once, make sure it's the best life possible for you!