Monday, February 1, 2010

Longing For Something

She sits waiting, longing for him to be the man she wants and deserves. Each day when she is feeling down and out about the whole situation she has a thought in her head, the wanting of him to just grab ahold of her and kiss her, tell her that things will be okay, that life doesn't have to be this way. This girl wonders how the relationship got to the point it is, she wonders if it's because she married dependent and later became independent?! There are so many thoughts that cross this girls mind.

It's sad to watch as you realize the man you married isn't the man you need or deserve. It's sad to feel your self esteem diminish because you have been emotionally neglected for so long. It's sad to hear family tell you that hopefully things work out because you never had much luck in the relationship department. It's just frustrating and sad. The whole situation has been a learning one, but a small part of her keeps waiting to have him just grab ahold of her and apologize for the deceit, hug her tight and tell her he loves her. She has been waiting a year for him to be like this, reality is he has never been that person. There was that one time back when they were first dating that she almost left him, he had a secret profile on a website and the friends list was full of girls, she should have known back then that the attraction he should have had for her, wasn't there.

Reality is he is not aligned with her in every way, he is someone who needs a motivator, someone who can tell him over and over again what needs to be done, someone who can take his phone calls and return the phone calls of those who leave messages. He needs a mother figure type of woman, and that is not what she is. Every day that passes her eyes are opened to what may have happened, after many years of not so good relationships, she finally found a man who wasn't physically attracted to her and she thought it meant love. Although in some ways it's true they were in love, she can't help but think if they fell in love with the idea of him and her. The idea of a man like him and a woman like her. The idea of two people who when seen together people looked and wondered "what are they doing together?".

Whatever the reason for their marriage, it's quite obvious that they are two different people with two different life long goals. She is outgoing and ready to push her own business, he is quiet and down to Earth and just goes with the flow of life. She wants more, she yearns to enjoy life to the fullest, she longs to do all she can to raise her children in a positive light, she longs to find that man who will love her independent nature, one who will be independent himself too. A relationship shouldn't be all one person giving and giving, which is what their relationship started off as, she gave and gave and never thought twice about the fact that him not giving in return would cause issues in the future.

She doesn't want a perfect relationship, she really wants her husband to be the person she wants and needs. She wishes for some level of attraction from him, open communication, honesty and respect. Reality is she can't have those things from the man she married, he is not the type to open up and be honest, he is the type who you must pull information out of, and reality is she is not that woman. This man needs a woman who can give more than she receives, this woman wants a somewhat equal give and take relationship.Raising babies together works for them, they both seem like they are on the same page with that, but when is just co-existing to raise some babies a good marriage? She understands that this is going to be a life changing event, she completely gets it but at the same time she refuses to sit back and allow her life and emotional well being to be teared down by a person who just can't give her what she expects and needs in a relationship.

This girl is a giver and she loves to give her all, but when the day came that she realized she was the only person giving her all in the marriage she had to make a decision. The first decision was to sit down and communicate her issues, her feelings and ask how he felt about all that she said and the marriage. He felt things were fine, he knew life had gotten hectic and raising babies took away from their personal relationship, but he felt life was content and he was okay with this. The girl is not okay with this, what he feels and what she feels are two different things. He felt okay because he still received support from her, back rubs, compassion and honesty. She didn't feel okay with the situation because she was not receiving any of that in return. This woman worked her butt off to make sure kids were ready for the day, business was running perfectly, articles were written daily and she was taking care of everyone but herself for so long that one day she just woke up and realized this is not going to work for me. When she spoke of this to her husband, he shook his head and went out for a cigarette, you see that is how he responds to everything. She feels that he is a loose canon, he wants to be the working parent in the household but can't hold a job down, he once promised her he would work and she could stay home with the kids, that is what they both wanted. One day in August she woke up to find that he had left his job after a discussion the night before about how he couldn't do that unless he wanted to be a stay at home Dad so she could go back to work.

Reality is she is very bitter and angry that he made a selfish decision to quit a job after a long discussion the night before explaining why quitting the job was not an ideal situation. The day he made that selfish decision she had an eye opening reality check, and since that day she has been doing all she can do to pick up from his mistake, and since he made a selfish decision she started making her own decisions on life, relationships and making money. A family is suppose to make decisions together, yeah sometimes we make mistakes but we are suppose to learn from them and not keeping making them. She feels he keeps making similar mistakes that are destroying her family both emotionally and financially, she has to let go, she has to move on for the sake of her positive family.

When the life you thought you were going to live forever ends up being the life you lived for a few years, a person can become very mixed up emotionally and right now this girl is very mixed up because the things she longs for her husband to be, he can not be.  He is just not that man and she needs to realize this so that they can move on in a positive way for their childrens sake.

Make it a Happy Day!

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