Sunday, January 17, 2010

Planning a Separation

Planning a separation may seem like a silly concept to some, but for me it makes perfect sense.If you are in a situation where your marriage is simply not working and space is required take it from experience getting all angry and forcing someone to find a place to live is not the best way to handle a separation, it can cause anxiety for not only yourself but your partner and your children. Not to mention placing your partner in a situation to get a place they are unable to afford because they are being pushed to find something fast.

Planning a separation seems to be the best method for a healthy way to try to gain some space and try to work on saving the marriage. If you and your spouse are at a point where nothing seems to be working and you have chosen a separation then try to plan it the right way.

First take into consideration that the partner who is moving out may not be able to help with the household finances as much as before because they need to save for a deposit on a new place. Work out an agreement on how much money will be going to you so that they are paying something for still residing in the family home, but are still able to save money to find a new place to live. Second step is to help them find an affordable place because sometimes it takes two to find the right deal! Third make sure you are prepared to discuss the separation with your children.

Discussing a separation with children can be difficult depending upon their age level. A teen may take it harder or easier than a younger child. Your teen may have already seen and sensed the disconnect between you and your partner, which means reality is they were waiting for this situation to happen and may even be happier about it because they no longer have to feel the tension in the air. A younger child such as a baby or toddler may not understand the concept behind it, but if they are used to two parents being home with them and tucking them into bed at night this would make the separation slightly difficult after it happens. To think of your child begging for the other parent to give them a hug or a kiss goodnight, it breaks my heart just writing about it.

Good things will come from those who can have an amicable separation, because you two will still be able to remain friends and share the children in a healthy way. Regardless of an amicable separation or a bad separation, legal separation may be the answer to keep things safe and protect both partners. Even if you have separated you are still married legally which means you are both accountable for financial decisions made by the other person. If the other person has  loan and doesn't repay it then they may come after you because you are their legally married partner. I am a firm believer in protecting all you have no matter what level of friendship you are on with your partner. Reality is some states have no laws keeping the other parent from taking your child out of the state or country if there is nothing written in a court order.

If you and your spouse are separating and planning on dating other people or not planning but it happens all it takes is just that one date to make the partner get jealous and act out. Although I dislike seeing people bring children into these types of situations, it does happen even with the best of friendships! Reality is life is too short to live angry and life is too short to live content. If you find yourself faced with the idea of a separation try your best to plan it out, because that is what will make you both stronger in the long haul.

Make it a Happy Day!

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