Friday, March 6, 2009

Do You Ever Feel This Way?

I have many mom friends, most of which are states away from me, but some are local. I often find myself and others are questioning things that occur in their relationship or marriage. It's so hard to keep true to your vows when your life long soul mate refuses to give you what you need.

Here's a story that is based loosely on real events but is a fictional story.

This young single mother finds herself alone, pregnant with her second child and after leaving her almost 3 year position of being an office worker she now finds herself financially unable to keep up with house payments and other important bills. She files for state assistance and gets some help, but her pride hates being on assistance and she plans to work herself up to be financially free on her own. Yes she plans on being a single mom to two children, she is strong, she can handle this. What she did NOT expect to happen was to "fall in love". She fell head over heels for this guy who had been a friend for a bit, they talked hours on the phone and it seemed he was "Mr Right". During their friendship and "dating time" he paid not only his own bills but hers too. He was paying for his apartment and her house payment.

There were some issues in the beginning a couple of deceits but she forgave him and understood where he was coming from, even if she didn't agree with the lying. They moved on from this situation, but she wondered if she would ever fully trust him again. Lying was one thing that really got under this girls skin!!

Six months into their friendship/dating this man moved into her home. By now the second child had been born, so there were two children in the home with them. She enjoyed that he was laid back, easy going and a great "father" type figure to have in the home. Things seemed to be falling into place, they could almost finish each others sentences, they got along great and about a year into the relationship they were married in a small wedding at their home with close friends and family to witness. Their wedding day was bliss, talk about perma-grin, no one could wipe the smiles off their faces, it was a day of joy for them and they were so in love everyone could see it!

Now this girl finds herself about three years into their relationship and is not sure where it is going. Did this girl do what she always does, fall head over heels too fast and rush a situation? Did she mistake "true love" for "infatuation"? She is so unsure what to do it is driving her crazy!

This girl is not one to be quiet when things are on her mind, she believes in communication. She discussed her feelings with her husband for the past year, she figured it was just because she was pregnant with their child and her emotions were running wild. They both talked and figured that they would cross this bridge and discuss further if she found her feelings were the same after the baby was born. After all, he did adopt her second born child shortly after his first birthday and took on a lot for this woman he loved so dearly. Could he really be 'so wrong' for this girl, after they went through 'so much' together?

Here it is almost 7 months after the baby is born and she is lonelier than ever. While her husband works long hours, six days a week, she is home with two children while one is at school, she tries to work from home, she blogs, she talks on the phone, anything to get her mind off of the fact that she is ready to give up. She has told her husband over and over how she feels, that they need to work on this, that she is lonely, all she needs is to feel adequate in the marriage. All she needs is her "husband" back. He appears to listen to her, he seems to care, when the subject of her leaving him comes up you can almost see tears in his eyes. She wonders, is that what it will take to make things work? Her leaving? Will she have to literally walk out on the "love of her life" to prove a point? To her that seems like a silly trick, a game almost. She has given up, and is now living content in a situation that she feels is her raising three children with a best friend. She doesn't want to walk out, she would not live financially, she would not make it without his little support of taking care of their two busy boys, she fears she would just fall to pieces if he was not here in her life, but at the same time she is at her wits end and no longer has the strength to fight for what she loves. She doesn't even know if she loves him like she should, she goes out grocery shopping and sees all the men stare at her, they look at her the way she wants her husband to look at her....why can't he just give her what she needs? Why can't he just "try" a bit harder...why is this loving mother of three in this situation?

Now tell me...what would you do if you were her?