Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Eyes Are Now Open

It's' funny I sit here and write daily about how positive I am and how open minded I am. Well today something happened that completely opened my eyes to something that had been going on that my eyes were too closed to see. So here is my story a bit, but not in complete detail. I am hoping this will help YOU look into your lives and rethink some areas in case this may sound similar...

Lately I have been having some issues with my daughter. She has been saying things that I truly believed were going on. Her father and I have not been together since she was 4 months old, never married, but we were two people clearly not meant to be in a relationship so we decided for the best of our daughter we would raise her in separate households.

My daughter's father and I have usually put aside our personal differences and seemed to agree on raising our child, until recently. Recently my daughter had been saying things were going on that I did not approve of at her fathers home. Without getting into details these are issues that were a cause of concern to me, and instead of addressing them with her father I just believed her and proceeded to do everything in my power to protect her from "big bad daddy". This involved me being boss woman and trying to adjust visitations because I truly felt what was happening with our daughter was his doing.

Well today we had a meeting with our daughters counselor, and about half an hour before the meeting I got a call saying that my ex wished to meet with her alone. Which is fine, as I had met with her alone before it was only fair. After the meeting the counselor called me to touch base and what she said OPENED MY EYES.

Apparently my ex and I do have the common interest of protecting and raising our daughter, we do agree that she needs to come first, we also both agree that communication has been lost between us. That I am calling him a liar in all reality and believing a child above him. He also stated some concerns that our daughter had mentioned to him, that in all reality were not completely true and were one sided stories. I never thought my daughter would be capable of this, and why not? It's not that my daughter is in the wrong or being a bad child. She is actually a really bright little girl and because she is SO bright she had figured out how to pit daddy and mommy against each other.

Ever since her father and I stopped communicating, for whatever reasons, a ton of emotional issues and complaints were coming up with our daughter. To think, she was simply acting out in a way was hard for me to swallow, but when I talked to her father for two hours {yes we went from NOT talking to a 2 hour phone conversation} it was apparent to me that she was certainly not expressing our household situations correctly to the other parent. If we had been communicating with each other we would have known this, but like I said we were NOT communicating.

We have agreed to start working with a counselor to open up communications, to work on a consistent parenting visitation plan that allows for both of us equal time with our daughter and to make sure we do not take a 6 year old's opinion to heart without first talking to the other parent. A 6 year old's perception is not always accurate, as hard as it is to admit that, it is the truth.

I hope this story will help you to take a look into your lives especially if you share custody of a child. One thing my ex and I have always agreed on is that we do not want our daughter growing up in a stereo-typical mom and part time dad situation. We want our daughter to see her dad and mom will talk, work together and be civil to each other.

Now that my eyes have been opened, I hope I have helped open your eyes...