Thursday, November 13, 2014

Even the Strong Ones Have Weak, Sad Mometns

I am not one to force myself into someone else life; I am a firm believer that if someone cannot take time at least once a week or once every couple of weeks to say hello and touch base, then I am not that important to them. I do not force people to be a part of my life, nor my children’s life. It’s that simple. I also hold no hard feelings for those who barely know anything about my life, but what does bother me is this;

When people complain that they are left out, never mentioned or not included when it is their own fault that they are feeling left out. For one, I don’t take for granted the various things people have done for me and many have been there for me as a teen, well they kind of had to, I was a minor. It seems now that I am an adult, with three busy children, and a business to run successfully, that many don’t care. If I fall on my face, oh they are right there to point fingers and tell me I suck and tell me how I make the worst decisions ever. 

Why are some people like that? People who are family and friends should be there during the great, good and not-so-good moments of life. I am finding myself very hurt lately, because I am trying to go out of my way to form some bond with a few people who I haven’t had the best bond with, yet it seems the expectations for who I should be versus who I am still are not matching up. In all reality, they won’t match up. I never much knew what anyone expected of me growing up, except maybe that I shouldn’t ever make bad choices.

Humans make bad decisions sometimes. We all walk paths we think are good for us then have to realize a right or left hand turn is required. We all do our best and I think I would be much happier if I had that support system, and if I were able to be that support system for others too. I have so many friends who can see me as this awesomely imperfect human being and friend, I just wish the ones I love the most and who have more knowledge of my past versus my present would really take some time to stop by, say hello, grab the phone and call.

I feel that my sister gets a lot of this love and support, which I have honestly discussed with my sister and she agrees that it is weird how different some of these people treat me versus her, considering the fact that my sister and I are like night and day in relation to who we are.  It is extremely weird that my sister is accepted and shown love no matter what mistakes she makes, yet I am here, watching as these people are there for her and when I need them, they are not here. I want to call them and chat quite often, but then I get questions about deep personal stuff instead and God forbid I say I am not happy, because apparently I am not allowed to be not-happy; it seems my not-happy reasons never seem good enough to them. I don’t want to explain myself; I simply want to have a healthy boundaries relationship with some of my family who I miss dearly. 

I am more guarded than my sister which I am sure causes some strain on the relationships. I also understand that since I am the first born, that the expectations for me were/are higher than her, whether the family wishes to admit that or not. Many put me up on this pedestal and I fell off it a long time ago. I like to think I am doing better and making better choices, I am being more positive and trying to be more understanding of their side of things, but my heart breaks. I sit here crying many nights, why? I am not sure, the relationships with some of my family have been this way forever, I guess it’s like my daughter says, “Sometimes we just have so much hope that we can’t let it go” … “sometimes hope is what gets us through to another day”

I just miss old connections and I hate that I feel as if I will never live up to the standards that some have set for me. 

This is the reality, no matter how confident one is, there is always a few people who mean the world to you, that can make you feel down and out sometimes. I know they love me, but then I wonder … why they can’t be a part of my world more often and in a more supportive way. 

I need support too, I am strong, but I have weak days, and lately praying is all I have to hang onto. I miss my loved ones, but maybe because I am having some challenging times, I am reading deeper into things. That is possible.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

A Celebration of Life Event for my Grampa

I had a very interesting conversation this morning with my youngest. My son is six years old, he attended my Grampa's funeral, he also went to the wake where it was open casket. This boy of mine is very curious about everything in life so why would it surprise me how our conversation went to day ...

Conversations with Kids

Me - "we have to go to a celebration of life event later for Great Grampa"

K- "is that the Grampa who died?"

Me - "yes"

K- "what is a ceremony"

Me - "it isn't a ceremony, it's  a celebration of life. Basically a get together with food and stuff to remember Great Grampa. It was his birthday this month to, he died before his birthday came"

K- "I think it makes more sense to do this after his funeral."

Me - "I suppose, but no not really. This is different. Besides we did have a little gathering after Great Grampa's funeral, remember?"

K- "yeah. Well if it is a celebration for him, shouldn't he be there? It's pretty sad he is dead and can't be there"

Me - .......

K- "That's okay he will be there in spirit and he is in spirit above me right now."

Me - "That's right buddy, Great Grampa will be there in spirit."
Have your kids every been so curious and matter of fact about the death of a family member?

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

You Need to Slow Down .... You Can't Get This Moment Back

As a parent one thing comes completely natural to me, sure there are times I have to remind myself to do this, but 99% of the time, I do remember the most important part of being a parent is to ...
Slow down. You cannot get these moments of childhood back with your children. You only have one chance at childhood memories with the little people you call children of yours. Slow down. Take in every moment and relish in the fact that your child adore you in this moment.

I watch as many do not slow down, I see the disappointment in their child's face, in the moment that their child realizes the parent isn't slowing down for them. I watch as children go from happy, giddy smiles to a frown face when they look up and realize that their parent clearly wasn't' paying them any attention in this happy-for-them moment.

You Only Have One Shot at Childhood #slowdown

My children are my world,  my children do not rule me, but they know they are of high importance to me. My children know that I will make time for all three of them, they know that they each will get undivided attention at various times within the day. I have an 8 minute pretend play session instructed by my youngest six nights a week before bedtime routine. I have 15 minutes with my first born, at least five nights a week before bedtime. I have at least 15 minutes of time with my middle child six nights a week. I do my best to ensure the children each know they hold a special place in my world and heart.

I love that slowing down for my children comes naturally to me, I truly believe I was meant to be a mother. I have such deep maternal instincts, I am the provider, the boo-boo fixer upper and the Mom who can jump in puddles or dance in the rain with my three. These moments that I take to slow down and be one with my kids, every single day, is what has allowed them to have a deep level of security, trust and happiness in life. I cannot imagine wanting it any other way.

I do not feel that my kids are a burden, I do not feel that anything, other than a roof over our heads & things we need, place value over the time I spend with them. I want my children to look back on their childhood and think, "Our Mom did everything to be sure she played with us" because isn't that what childhood is all about? Playing?

Parents - you only get this one shot at childhood with these little people, please, I am begging you, slow down. Shut off your mind, put your parent hat on and at the end of each day, make time for those kids. If you can't make time all day, at least designate a specific amount of time that you simply let go of all your adult junk and be one with your kids. This is truly something that can make or break a child - having that time with their parent being one with them!


Thursday, October 2, 2014

How do You Cook Cube Steak

This is the question I asked upon myself the other day when I realized I never put the cube steak and potatoes in the crock pot for dinner. It was yesterday, the day I was sick to my stomach and still having to be Mom. I used Google and found a WikiHow instructional on how to cook cube steak, they list 3 ways to cook it over on that site. I chose the one I wanted to use!

How to Cook Cube Steak


  • 2 Eggs

  • 1 Cup Flour

  • 1 tsp salt

  • 1/2 tsp garlic powder

  • 1/2 tsp black pepper

  • 1/2 tsp onion powder

  • 2 lbs or less of cube steak

  • Enough cooking oil (vegetable, canola, etc whichever you choose) to place about 1" worth in deep skillet pan on stove. Heat til the oil is bubbly.

Mix Up That Dipping Flour Stuff

Mix together, using a whisk or similar, the flour and all seasonings in a bowl. Pretty simple. Make sure you have the flour, the salt, the pepper, the garlic powder, the onion powder and stir it up so it's evenly mixed.

Get That Egg Cracked Up

Next, grab a separate bowl and place the two eggs, fully cracked and whisk them up in a bowl.

Get Read to Dip and Make a Yummy Mess

While you are preparing this portion, make sure to turn up your oil on the stove that is in the skillet. This needs to be rolling a bit, not a huge boiling mess, but close to it so we know it's hot enough for those steaks!

  • I took the cube steak and cut into smaller pieces, but you don't really have to.

  • I then took each piece of cube steak, dipped it into the egg and then covered it in the flour mixture.

  • This is messy, and you may need to pick up the flour with hands to ensure the steak is fully covered.

Drop steak into the hot oil, cook for about 2-3 minutes on one side, use a cooking utensil to turn the steak over, cook that side for about 2-3 minutes. Test the steak to ensure it is cooked fully by sticking a fork in it, after you have placed it on a plate, to ensure there is no blood from the uncooked meat left.

How to Cook Cube Steak  (1)

Let cool on paper towel {helps soak up the oil}. Serve. Feel free to cook up some home-fry style potatoes with french style green beans on the side. I also added some gravy to mine.

Apparently this is a regular or popular way to cook cube steak, but I had no clue. Being in the kitchen, cooking for my family, is really part of my wind down time after a long, busy day of motherhood. I love it so much!

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

I am Mom Because That's My Job #motherhood #ThatsMyJob #LoveMylife

My job as a Mom entails me not wearing makeup. Not Doing my hair. Rarely ever wearing anything that looks appealing for my body type. I usually have some throw together outfit, chosen from the closet full of clothes that probably were outdated since the 90's {or earlier}. My fashion sense is MOM. My Style is MOM. My lingo is MOM.

I am always in a hurry, even if the kids are in tow because I never know when my sons are going to choose to have one of their sibling riots and I much prefer those to happen at home. In a safe place, where I can place them in a timeout versus trying to drag them to the van, one my own, buckle them in and try to drive home safely to then place them in time outs or what have you.

My life is mom.

I do all things based on parenthood because well parenthood, better known to me as motherhood, is my life my world and my full time job. No let me rephrase that, It isn't full time, it is beyond full time. It really is.

Take today for example, I am sick as a dog, even as I type this, so don't mind the mess ups or whatever, but I am sick. I threw up most of the day. I did not keep more than ritz crackers down all day and my boys were home sick too. Lovely, right?

I then had to cook some form of dinner for the family because we pretty much tend to eat from scratch, meals I prepare and serve for the family as a means to save money and eat healthier, so good luck trying to get my fiance to cook those instead.

I then have to get bedtime routine going, because even when I lived with the boys father, they prefer Mama doing bedtime, it was just a habit they have gotten into. So it was always easier and still is ... for me to be the Mom and do it all.

So now, I sit here and should be thinking about heading to bed, so that I can be up at the crack of dawn or before, with any of the boys who decide to wake up mid night and have a conversation, be pissed off or whatever .. and I am working. I am working simply because it kills me that I only worked for one hour today.

I am not sure why I say I only worked for one hour because I am pretty sure I got my older girls to school, and back . I got my younger two boys to survive the  day home sick with me and I still cooked a fabulous meal for the family. I also got the boys to sleep without many huge issue. So I did more than an hour of work, so maybe, just maybe I am online writing and working that blogging work because that isn't work to me ... that is my wind down time after being Mom all day long.

I love this job of Mom, so very much so, but do not ever think it's some fabulous, easy job. It is by far the hardest, most challenging and emotional job I have ever held in my life but the rewards? oh my goodness, they are worth every single over tired moment!

Disclosure; This is not me complaining, I just wanted to write. Get this out there. That's all.



Thursday, September 25, 2014

Miranda Lambert's Song Automatic Shares My Thoughts Almost Perfectly

I am working in the office today with a local country station blaring music over the house while I sit at my desk getting stuff done. This song came on and I am listening to the words, thinking woah, I say a lot of what she is saying in this. Of course, I had to go to YouTube and search the song out, come to find out it is a song called Automatic by Miranda Lambert {an artist I adore} and so I thought "there's my post for MVL today" ....

Since my step daughter has moved into our home, I have had to rethink some parenting things. You see, she is a teenager, but she has also been allowed to raise herself along with her brother who is fourteen. It seems they were left to raise themselves in a lot of ways where they had freedoms but really were not raised in any way, shape nor form that I believe in kids being raised. They weren't raised, they were raising each other. When kids raise each other, well a lot of common courtesy and respect concepts are lost and you end up with teens who really have a self centered personality or don't have a care for consequences as they haven't had to face them. Ever. It's sad really to me. So with having her move into our household, it's been a matter of trial and error; a lot of things that she was allowed to have are things that kids are to earn in our household; such as a cell phone, leisurely internet access, social media, etc. Those are earned things, not things just handed to children around our home.

As Lee and I were discussing our parenting ways and things to get on the same page about, I mentioned, "well we have the magic jack line, why can't she talk to her friends on the phone? Like normal kids?", it seems because his daughter has always been allowed access to forms of texting; social media messengers, etc, that she never really had much interest in actually making phone calls. My oldest will text or make phone calls, whatever she feels like in those moments and it's been a pretty balanced lifestyle around here. I was telling Lee the other night, "whatever happened to boys calling the girls homes, or friends calling friends and laughing while talking, like real words talking. None of this secret texting crap?!". You know, teens will say "that's old school" and so on, but who cares, if talking to friends is that important to them, then they will learn that they can do so, but over the telephone instead of being written/typed words. I think talking on the phone teaches better social skills and quite frankly we don't feel that his daughter is ready for social media. It's not something she should have even had before age 13 ... one rule I don't allow here anyways. A majority of sites don't have protections for children under age 13 and so it's the rules that you cannot be on FB until you are 13. A lot of parents don't follow that rule, but I do. I also don't mean once my Ki is 13 she automatically gets FB ... no no no. That is again, an earned privilege and I have to see maturity levels and so much more before I will allow my children on FB.

This song, Automatic by Miranda Lambert, speaks volumes to me on how times have changed. Everyone is so busy, we want want want and we get get get. There is no patience, little common courtesy and we have become so self absorbed as a society that it stinks. There is no appreciation for a hard days work, so many just want everything handed to them. There are few people who appreciate a long day work for your family and coming home to a warm meal while sitting down to the table for a family dinner. What happened to that? We are still slightly like that in our household, because it's important to us to instill those "old school" family bonds! I believe that I am slightly new school with a huge part old school. The old school in me though, says this is craziness, old school should NOT be old school - having morals, good standards & character, being an honest, trustworthy person and being respectful to others - that should NOT be old school. To me, that is what we should all expect of our own self and our children.
When did that change????

Thursday, September 4, 2014

I forgot My Son's Snack for First Time Ever

There is so much going on at my household these days, that for the first time in four years, I forgot to pack my son's snack in his bag. This is my son who is high functioning autistic, so he is in that habit of at snack time the snack is in the front of his bag with a drink. Every. Single. Day. I have not missed a day yet. It's not something I forget as I always get lunches and snacks packed up the night before.

I get this phone call, from the school guidance counselor, and here I see the number on the caller ID thinking "oh dear Lord please do not be my youngest crying and having a hard time after he went to school so fine this morning" and nope. It wasn't about my youngest. It was about Aj who was starting to or having a meltdown over the fact that his snack was not in his bag where it was suppose to be. Combine that with the late night bedtime due to soccer last night and you have one child who is not in a good state of mind.

Luckily for Aj, this is why I work strictly from home. To be there for my kids. Times like this, when my son does need a snack to hold him over until lunch or else he would be a bear. Times like this when the school knows my son is autistic and we need to do something to alleviate his frustration/sadness over something.

So I did what any work at home mom would do, I ran inside, noticed his snack was ON THE COUNTER and said "oh my gosh, it's on the counter, I have never ever forgotten his snack. I will be right there." It took me all of five minutes to get down there, I met the guidance counselor at the door to the school and handed off the snack and drink. I felt so bad about that and I am sure after school I will hear all about the "why did you forget my snack, Mama. You never forget my snack" from my honest Aj who can never hold back his questions or matter of fact points.

Thank God I am blessed to work from home and Thank God I am getting better at not giving myself a hard time for something as little as this happening ... because otherwise I would be a wreck right now crying. I do pray that things slow down around here so that my mind is not so full I forget the little things like a snack for school packed in the bag.
Have you ever forgotten to pack something for your child's day at school?