Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Reading Energy and Body Language

One thing I am good at is reading the energy of people around me. Not only am I excellent at figuring out a good person versus a bad person, in most cases, but I am great at reading body language. While I could not get better than a C when taking psychology for my business degree, in real life I am a master at reading the signs and people. Being interested in learning people through their energy that they put off, sometimes called an aura and watching their body language isn’t always a good thing. For when you are in love with someone and see the signs, often your emotions will deter you from reality. 

In my current life, there are many signs that something is just not right. Whatever the something is, I have no idea, but I can say that I don’t feel the appreciation and gratitude in ways that I did about eight months ago. In time, all that I have done seems to have gone down the tube and is no longer something that is shown as appreciative and actually something that wasn’t easy. While I don’t need a gold star or praise all of the time to be confident, I do know that signs show things are not what they appear to be. I watch as the body language has changed, the responses are different and the time spent doing things that were promised are no longer. 

I work really hard all day long, trying to make sure I make my quota for daily income and usually I hit it, especially during times when money is tight. I watch as bills that should have been paid, are not being paid but alas, I am one person and I am working my tail off to not only juggle my business but my children and supporting my partner with his new venture. I have found that I continuously support others to a point of being drained myself, I don’t mean this financially but in general. While I will forever support my three children without fault, I don’t ever feel bad about putting them first, for I have a huge maternal instinct. I do, however, get tired of supporting an adult. I had thought, with all of the talk during his time of dire need, that I would ultimately get some sort of break when he was feeling slightly better, but alas my break has not come. That makes me feel sad and bitter some days, but I remember that I supported others for a reason, because I love deeply and enjoy being that person for others. I can't be that person forever and be happy, but during a dire time of need, I am perfectly okay being that person.

When you can’t discuss your feelings aloud in any way that gets heard, accepted and listened to, you just tend to slip away. You don’t bother discussing anything and you let the body language and difference in ways lead you towards decisions that aren’t 100% comfortable for you. There are changes that keep happening and some I don’t have control over for they are the other person or me just knowing in my soul what the other person would be happier with. I feel like communication has broken down and there’s no way for one person to fix it. 

Sometimes I hate being able to read the energy of others and knowing what’s to come, for it’s nothing you can discuss with someone who doesn’t get it for they will just tell you that you are crazy, insecure or emotional. You see, it is not any of those things. I am not crazy, nor insecure nor emotional, I actually have an innate ability to just know things and with that comes me trying to explain or discuss things with someone who simply doesn’t want to hear it or open their mind to it. These times are hard, but they have been since September so I don’t expect things changing anytime soon. 

Please remember to not be like me, whenever you feel that energy or see the body language of someone you love being different, speak up and speak out. If you cannot speak up or speak out without fear of doors slamming, silent treatment or being yelled at, then you must rethink what you really are doing here in the first place. Perhaps get a counselor, therapists are great at helping to move forward from times like these!

Monday, June 19, 2017

Be Confident in Following Your Instincts

Being able to see the good in people is a great skill, it helps you to cope with bad situations and it leaves you with hope. I was once told by someone that hope was all that they had left and honestly, sometimes that’s what keeps us from breaking. Having hope is a wonderful coping mechanism but not when you use it at risk of your own well-being. Often times our judgement is clouded when we feel strongly about someone, this could be a close friend, family member or partner. Reality is there comes a time when it is not selfish to put your own gut instincts ahead of everything else.

I’ve written time and time again about instincts and how they truly can drive us in the right direction. As human beings, we can’t think instincts are guiding us during that time of the month or high emotional moments. Rather our instincts guide us in everyday, normal life living. Let’s say you are having a good day but something happens that stirs that internal radar. You know the radar, as it’s happened before, but you don’t want to listen to it, instead you analyze it. You then ask yourself, “am I just being hormonal?” or “am I being unreasonable?” or perhaps, “am I fueling this fake instinctual reaction?” While the answers could be yes, only you will know for sure. 

There are certainly moments of high stress in life where we may confuse anxiety for instincts and it’s even harder to determine when someone is telling you that you need to get control of your anxiety and emotions. The one thing about following your instincts is that no one else will comprehend just what that radar is telling you. This is your own personal internal protection device, meant to guide you in a positive direction. Instincts won’t keep you from feeling pain or hurting others, that’s a natural part of life. We must experience bad times and make mistakes in order to grow and learn as a human being.

If you are feeling like something just isn’t right and you’ve tried to communicate this with a loved one, be it the friend, family member or partner, yet you don’t seem to get anywhere and feel like nothing is getting resolved and that pit in your stomach is getting worse, then you need to work towards figuring it out on your own. These instincts will guide you in the right direction; sure it will be difficult at first because often times our instincts are protecting us from a harmful future so that means a big change. Change isn’t easy for anyone, but sometimes it’s a necessary part of life. 

When you let go of the fear that has been instilled within you, that you are not good enough or that you’re crazy for following your instincts and then live a life based on your own internal happiness and completeness, you will find in time that you feel more confident and secure in life. No other person can tell you what is right or wrong, and sometimes you may confuse anxiety or hormones for instincts, but that’s the joy of learning yourself. We all have to take the leap to trust in our instincts and then learn from that moment so that you are never in the same situation again. 

If you are having trouble distinguishing instincts from high emotion, perhaps it’s time to consider meeting with a professional who can guide you forward in an unbiased way. A professional will not tell you what to do but they can help you to interpret what’s going on, how you feel about it and help you come to a conclusion that allows you to feel confident.

Monday, June 12, 2017

Journal Rambles - This too Shall Pass, Love is not Meant to be a Fleeting Feeling ...

There will be days when you don’t feel loved. There will be days when you feel incredibly loved. I often wonder if on the days you don’t feel loved that you could perhaps reach deep within your memory and find those incredibly loved days. I continue to read The Love Dare at any chance I have, because it truly helps to inspire a love based on commitment rather than a love based on feeling. You see, I am all too familiar with feelings being fleeting in nature. Those days I feel incredibly loved, it’s like I am a teenager again with my hot man beside me and it’s the best feeling ever. The days I don’t have that feeling, I can put myself into a downward spiral, focusing on all the reasons today he doesn’t love me. 

Sometimes it’s great to be with a man who has stated he is committed to our love and future together then other times I miss that fleeting feeling of having fun together and him speaking such kind words both in person and on social media. There was a time, most specifically during the time he was down and out from having a piano fall on him, that he spoke so highly of me on social media. I felt like this man truly loved me, those words stuck with me and made my heart melt. I felt like I finally had relationship where I appreciated someone for his hard work and he appreciated me the same.
I like words, I like to hear that he is shouting to the world that he loves me. It means something. It means more to me than flowers brought home and cards. Yes, I said it, the queen of cards who loves her a great card, enjoys seeing him praise me online more than getting a card. Craziness! 

Reality is life is hard. Emotions play a toll on me right now due to the dang hormones that are out of control some days. I hate that every other moment I feel sad, then happy. I know that the hormones will settle and I will be back to that in loved woman who feels the love and excitement of the relationship I have. This relationship is far from dull and I love it so much but today, for now, I feel sad. Thank goodness for working from home because I can go sleep it off when I am feeling all sad about things. 

I guess the moral of the story is this – when in a relationship that you truly have committed to for the rest of your life, sometimes you won’t feel loved, sometimes the feeling isn’t there in the immediate forefront of your heart, but if you look deep within your soul; you will find that intimate connection that is much stronger than a fleeting feeling and you will get through this by your partner’s side.

Journal Ramble Day - Sometimes It Sucks to Not Feel the Gratitude Anymore

Once upon a time there was the beginning of a relationship. Both of you did little gestures that signified that you were falling in love. One was always stating the kind things you did that made them feel good while the other felt so in love because they knew they were appreciated and truly loved. Then as time when on the beginning of the relationship became no more a beginning, but a middle and after stressful times the distance grew between these people, the showing and discussion of gratitude stopped. Sure perhaps, they still felt love but no more were the little gestures and kind words spoken. No more did she hear that she was his world and she started to wonder, is this how all relationships go? Do they get to the point where you just assume that once you have the love of one that it always stays? I have heard that this is what happens, but I have also heard that when two people have committed to love, they work through it and realize that their partner isn't feeling appreciated and they start showing that appreciation again .

Just as he wants to hear that I think he’s amazing still, I want to hear that I am. I sit here working day in and day out, watching all of the cash I make leave my hands and there are times when my kids need something and I can’t get it because the funds have to go back into something else. Then through all that I have done to become drained, exhausted and still continue on with strength, as the days pass I feel like those moments are forgotten. Once upon a time there was a relationship where the man said the lady deserved something special for all that she was doing and continued to do in standing by his side through difficult times. Those precious moments made me feel loved, they made me feel appreciated and now I don't hear those things. I don't hear the appreciation of all that I truly do in a day. While I don't need that all of the time as I know I am awesome and strong, if I am going to e in a relationship I don't want to be felt like I am taken for granted, because I freaking do a LOT.

It seems, perhaps, that only when someone has gone up and beyond is the love and appreciation shown – when hard times hit. Well consider this, a relationship needs to be celebrated when times are good too. The more I hear & read "I" and "me" and things that separate the unity of the relationship, the more I wonder, what happened to the man who was more focused on us, who seemed genuinely appreciative of all I did and continue to do? The man who made all efforts to show that each of the businesses we created were ours. All of the business/websites we run are a unity of his web developer skills, cold calling sales type skills and my social media promotion as well as customer service skills. Yet, most wouldn't even know that if they looked at some of the online chatter. Now I am like behind the scenes secretly promoting stuff that online isn't me, it's him. It sucks sometimes, in all honesty. Those days of feeling appreciated have disappeared. He often cites that I don’t talk about our relationship and sometimes it’s because he doesn’t either. I don’t feel motivated and loved in a way that encourages me to see beyond the present day.

Each day I work hard to write anywhere from 4-8 articles to sell to make sure that just our daily needs are satisfied, never mind the bigger picture of life that’s going on. I thank my amazing monthly clients for the bigger picture income, but I am tired and I am emotionally drained. I feel nothing much has changed since the accident and more often than not, the response of “I am still here, aren’t I?” makes me realize that the man who was so grateful to have me tend to his needs for nearly half a year while raising three kids, isn’t the same person today. It makes me sad and it bothers me. Stating that you are presently here doesn't make me feel loved, it just makes me feel like "ok he is here, great, what next?" I miss those kind words of citing that I did great things for him, that I was his other half, that I complimented him. I do try to verbalize my love like that but all I am met with is "I am glad" or simply replies and no words like he used to speak. Which makes me wonder what his bigger picture is with us? I don't feel it. I don't have a vision. He used to be so good at using adjectives and verbalizing the future, but it stopped and I simply stopped seeing it. I see today. I feel the love towards him, but I miss feeling the love from him.

All I want to hear is the praise and kind words, the words of him citing that I was his future wife, that I am doing something productive and good in our relationship but instead, I am met with simple sentences that merely say he is present and that of course he loves me or he wouldn't be here.
So today I sit and ponder, is this how the future will be? If so, I am not super happy about it because as each day passes I wonder if I am truly loved and just what the future does hold. He often looks at the bigger picture and he used to share that with me. I live in present moment but with him speaking the vision of our relationship, I could see it and in turn it was a great relationship goal to focus on.  I merely hope it's a phase of me feeling this way but gosh relationships are hard and this one shouldn't be.

Regardless of all of this, I keep chugging on. I have to work. I have to make money. For I am just one person but I have three who count on me, and I will forever do what is necessary to be their Mom because that is my # 1 job. Relationships come and go but motherhood, will be forever. We will see what the next chapter holds, but for today I am sad. I don’t feel the love in the way I did in the beginning and I am done making excuses … hoping that soon he will see the lost look in my eyes and realize he isn't doing what he used to do to win my heart, speaking in a way that he envisioned our future together.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Water your Love

It’s like one just gets comfortable and everything that used to happen doesn’t happen any longer. Those moments that made you fall in love, desire your partner and yearn to simply hear them speak. The moments that were there when you both were trying to gain each other’s heart, isn’t there anymore. It’s like when two people finally have each other’s heart, the neglect to nourish the relationship. This happens often in relationships, and it’s quite normal, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Many relationships stay strong for years because each have learned how to pull the other back into their arms without much effort. 

You see once love has been created, you won’t have to work so hard to maintain the love but you do need to water it every so often. Things like doing something your partner normally does, making sure you two have time together during the day, and ensuring that you both have time to talk about things that each holds important. Those little things will nourish the love and relationship allowing it to last long term. 

While life gets busy and demands get higher, surprises happen and often you find yourself exhausted you can’t let that keep continuing on. If you continue on in the path of neglecting the relationship you will soon find the connection fades and what’s left is two people who committed to each other but don’t have that desire to make the relationship stronger. They simply give up, they get tired and maybe just maybe they take for granted that the love is there. 

Eventually people get lonely in a relationship, it happens to the best of couples. What you do with this feeling is what makes or breaks the longevity of the relationship. So today I invite you to think about the state of your relationship, is it going strong? Does your partner seem connected or withdrawn? Perhaps something happened in your relationship that diminished the happy moments and both of you are feeling content. While many will say content is the way to be, for that’s the key to longevity in a relationship sometimes people need more and desire more. There’s no reason why you can’t take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, “what can you do today to make the bond grow strong again.”

Once you take a look and see the happiness fade from the face of your partner, it may be too late, but it doesn’t hurt to try. Try to do those things you used to do, like alleviating some stress from their plate today and watch as they wrap their arms around you happy that you made them feel important. Whatever is going on in your relationship, you have to take time to water it or it will fade and die out. That’s simply a matter of fact when it comes to relationships, dry spells can ruin a relationship if two people can’t discuss that dry spell and work towards making it better.

Friday, April 28, 2017

4 Negatives You Can Turn into Positives in Your Relationship

There are often times when life gets the best of us and we start to focus on the negative in our world. Relationships are probably the thing that takes the most toll during these trying times. It’s easy to nitpick and poke at what doesn’t work in the relationship. Often times our human brain simply goes that route naturally, it takes work and focus as well as dedication to turn a negative mind into a positive mind. Today I wanted to share a few negatives that one could have in a relationship and counteract that with how you can turn it into a positive. 

Here goes … 4 Negatives You Can Turn into Positives

Negative Thought - “My partner takes weeks to get something done that I asked them to do!”

Positive Switch –Be appreciative that your partner does get that something done. Just because your partner takes longer than you desired, does not mean the scenario was a negative one. There are many couples who have a partner who do nothing, be grateful you have one who does something even if you feel it’s a snail’s speed.

Negative Thought – “My partner gets breaks more often than I do. They get to stay home, tend to the kids and even take naps!”

Positive Switch – Be aware that your partner may actually see your life of getting to go to work and then come home at the end of the day as something better than what they have to do all day. Taking a nap is surely a requirement after the load of stress they dealt with while managing your children and the house. 

Negative Thought – “I hate how my partner yells all of the time. I wish they would be calmer and realize how much the yelling stresses me out!”

Positive Switch – Here’s an idea, maybe your partner doesn’t realize how his/her yelling is impacting you. Try to have a reasonable conversation about the yelling to see if you two can come to a middle ground where patience is worked on. Sometimes our partner doesn’t realize something hurts you until you mention it. They can’t read our minds. 

Negative thought – “My partner is reactive, it just seems like they react to situations rather than thinking ahead to all probably outcomes and prepare. This fuels my anxiety and makes me so tense.”

Positive Switch – This is actually something I am working so here’s what I am attempting to do: does the situation get resolved? Does your partner step up and get things done? If their reactive brain is bothering you but at the end of the day you know they will pull thru, then just trust in that outcome. We can’t change how our partner handles situations but we can control our focus on the end result versus how they got there. 

Truth be told, relationships take work. As I find myself in a relationship that I truly enjoy and want to have forever and ever with, I too find myself in those negative thought patterns. My feelings get hurt and I sit here pissed off about something. It’s not easy to talk when I am pissed off or overtired, the words escape my mouth as some foul, mean and harsh words that I can never take back. 

Each time I spew out words when over tired, hurt or over anxious, I try to do better next time. I wake up with a new day ahead of me and try my hardest to learn how I can be a better person not only for my relationship but for myself. You see, these negative thoughts you catch yourself in will happen in any relationship, all relationships have issues, but if you can learn how to focus on the positive result of the negative thought … you will win the battle and in turn grow to have a thriving, long lasting relationship!