Thursday, July 20, 2017

Actions Speak Louder Than Words ... Pay Attention

It’s so funny how people will say things. They will say them over and over again. It will convince you that what they say is truth. Here’s the thing about people, watch the actions. If you are feeling like something is off or things have changed, stop listening to the words that come out of someone’s mouth and hear what the actions tell you. The lack of hand holding, kissing, conversations without yelling, the back and forth actual engagement on any topic, the discussion of an actual future, the tags that used to happen where they were totally happy for all that you do for them. You still do all of those things, they may not have to lift much of a finger, yet their end of things has changed in such a way that words no longer mean a thing. The words sit in your mind creating utter confusion, like how can one really think that you are that blind? Things are different and in being different they have caused numbness, you don’t really feel anything anymore. 

I suppose this not feeling anything anymore is good, at least you no longer get mad. It’s great to not have to get mad anymore, but it is odd that the other person can’t seem to admit verbally what actions already told you. No more is the time together something to look forward to. No more do you two do anything together that’s of value. The actions are gone. The words of “I do really love you” sit in your mind like why would someone say that? Are they trying to convince not only you, but themselves of this to be true? 

Personally I won’t share my thoughts here, but I will leave this here. Remember to watch actions, but also take into account anything extra that may be going on. Love is love, and we are imperfect human beings. Times will get hard, but if you have felt less than, not a priority and not loved … for a period of time that extends beyond reason, perhaps it’s time to really pay attention to the actions vs words spoken. Words are easily said by anyone and the master manipulator will know just what to say to keep you right there …. Wondering enough to stay.  

Monday, July 10, 2017

Working Through Hormones

Being a girl is miserable sometimes. I can clearly see that my body is aging even though my mind swears I am still in my 20’s. As October nears, I will be 36 years old. While I don’t feel as if that is OLD per say, heck my other half is going to be 47 and I don’t even think of him as OLD, I can tell there are some changes with me that are a sign of aging. A huge part of the aging changes is hormones. 

I admit I am a naturally sensitive person. I can get my feelings hurt easily. While this is truth, it is sort of a pain in the butt when you are also a confident, happy go luck woman. My hormones are all whacky which is making me feel unlike myself. I decided to stand up and figure it out! Take time to be me. I have requested this week off from as much client work as possible so that leading into a weekend without kids I can try to recoup and get back to being centered. 

Sure hormones are medial, meaning it’s not something I can just magically fix, but I can fix my environment to be more relaxing just long enough to get back to feeling centered. I have an amazing life, I have three awesome kids and my other half does well to try to adapt and I do my best to adapt with him. I have someone who I feel comfortable will grow with me and I also feel comfortable growing with him. I love what we have, but with these hormones I am starting to just not like anything.

More often than not I want to curl up in a ball and just sleep. As a woman, who is aging, I get this is normal. I have spoken with female friends, I have watched friends go through this. It’s all about reducing your stress levels and doing what is necessary to get back to feeling fresh and centered in life. This week my mission is to work through writing and relaxation with hopefully the end result being an amazing, relaxing weekend with my other half so that I can feel like me again and start next week off as Brandy Ellen.

I am looking forward to spending this week bringing the happy go lucky me back and feeling centered again. Sure, I will still have work to do after all I am an adult who has to help bring income into the home, but I will have minimal work to do as a means to enjoy motherhood and life with my love so that after one week … I shall be me again!

I say if you are struggling with hormones, stress or simply feeling off centered, do not be afraid to ask for time off. Sure bills need to be paid and other things come up but there’s only one chance at being you and finding your inner happy! Make sure to put your own balance first, because without you being balanced, everything else falls out of place quickly!

Being Cold in Your Time of Need

Slowly sinking down, lower and lower. The stress builds up and the emotion runs high. Perhaps being more social than social media is what matters right now. If you notice that your other half or partner in life is going through a tough time, take a moment to leave a nice comment or heart a photo that they share. You see, sometimes the people who are suffering the most internally are sharing selfies or positive posts as a means to find a way to pull back together. In times of high stress and emotion, it’s important to have that confidence boosted, to feel as if you still matter. 

As you watch the person you love be more social to others, uplifting them, leaving funny comments to make others laugh, you have to wonder why they don’t do that for you as well? You post photos and only find those who have supported you for far longer are leaving positive comments. While the attention isn’t necessary unless you are someone who constantly needs attention, during trying times it is best if a partner is aware of that emotional toll it plays on them. 

I see things a bit like this, if your other half is having a hard time and confiding in you about that hard time. Perhaps they told you that their emotional state of mind is suffering, why wouldn’t you, in times when you swear you love them to pieces, pay more attention to their social habits? It seems I have noticed a trend of when I am at my worst, the online interaction is less with me but more with others. Why is this so? I have no idea, but what I do know is that I can get through this because I have always done that myself.

When you find that your other half is more social on social media and compliments others more than you in your time of need? You learn to retract and get back to the place you were before their relationship was a part of your world. Do what you need to do to get back to you, but remember these times when they were more social and friendly with others, while behind closed doors they weren’t so kind to you or empathetic during your time of need. 

Whether watching this person be kind to others in public, at family gatherings or on social media we must admit this hurts. It hurts deep when we are hurting inside and need our other half to support us. What hurts the most is knowing that this person is capable of being kind during your time of need but doesn’t bother doing it. They go out of their way to be social with strangers while you sit here drowning in a time of high sadness and all you want to see is your partner, the person you love so much, be there for you to leave kind comments, to show that they truly do still love and support you. When that doesn’t happen, it makes the pain of sadness hurt even deeper. 

All you can do is work … work on you and always remember how this went down so that you can better determine what’s best for the future – be it a conversation or major change, because this type of scenario isn’t okay!  Always remember how they were emotionally available for others in a way you needed them to be for you …. Because this says a lot about what will or will not work for you in the future! 

Once you have worked to get yourself back, make a decision on how to proceed with handling this hurt and pain that comes from feeling left out in the cold during your time of need. When the outside world sees someone as kind and generous but you see it quite the opposite in your time of need in the personal side of life, it speaks volumes. Learn from this and move forward with whatever is going to be a good fit for your mental health well-being!

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Make it Count BIG

Sometimes we live in this reality of peace, love and happiness. I have often used these three words as the motto for my life as a mother. I wanted positive words to inspire and uplift the kiddos during any bad moments. I knew going into motherhood that times would get difficult, that as my kids aged I would have to adapt and adapt I keep doing. Being a mom is my favorite thing in the whole wide world. When everything else around me crumbles to the ground, I can pick myself back up because I know there are three kids looking up to me. 

Remember even though it may seem like your teen or toddler isn’t watching your every move, they are. In a world gone negative, I try to be the inspirational light of being imperfectly human for my kids. I want them to know that I mess up, that I cry, that I get angry and that I feel with all of my heart. I want them to see that mistakes will be made. I want my kids to see that forgiveness of yourself and others can help you heal. I want them to know a genuine apology goes a long away and a hug can go even further. 

As times get hard, I find myself keeping emotions within and then crying more often than not. Things going on have left me wondering what decisions were good ones recently and which ones need to be adjusted. I have no idea what tomorrow brings, but for today I live for the family. I know sometimes my positive attitude allows me to see the good in evil but I wish for once I could see the evil, admit it’s evil and move on. My positive attitude can occasionally mask the real wounds that need to be fixed.

With all of that being said, anyone can have real peace, love and happiness. The key is to know that it starts with you and trickles down within the household. Emotions are a beautiful thing, if you need to sit back and cry – do it! Always allow yourself to cry it out when needed, I have found a long, deep cry can totally refresh your soul and allow you to move on in peace, love and happiness. 

Take time today to spend quality time with your loved ones, know that the kids will only be around for so long before they head out to create their own life. Sure they may come to visit and you will still be able to speak with your kids, but the times of being the example, their guiding light and shoulder to cry on goes by far too quickly. Take advantage of every moment you have and if you feel something isn’t a good fit for your parental life – let it go! You only get one shot at parenthood, make it count BIG!

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Reading Energy and Body Language

One thing I am good at is reading the energy of people around me. Not only am I excellent at figuring out a good person versus a bad person, in most cases, but I am great at reading body language. While I could not get better than a C when taking psychology for my business degree, in real life I am a master at reading the signs and people. Being interested in learning people through their energy that they put off, sometimes called an aura and watching their body language isn’t always a good thing. For when you are in love with someone and see the signs, often your emotions will deter you from reality. 

In my current life, there are many signs that something is just not right. Whatever the something is, I have no idea, but I can say that I don’t feel the appreciation and gratitude in ways that I did about eight months ago. In time, all that I have done seems to have gone down the tube and is no longer something that is shown as appreciative and actually something that wasn’t easy. While I don’t need a gold star or praise all of the time to be confident, I do know that signs show things are not what they appear to be. I watch as the body language has changed, the responses are different and the time spent doing things that were promised are no longer. 

I work really hard all day long, trying to make sure I make my quota for daily income and usually I hit it, especially during times when money is tight. I watch as bills that should have been paid, are not being paid but alas, I am one person and I am working my tail off to not only juggle my business but my children and supporting my partner with his new venture. I have found that I continuously support others to a point of being drained myself, I don’t mean this financially but in general. While I will forever support my three children without fault, I don’t ever feel bad about putting them first, for I have a huge maternal instinct. I do, however, get tired of supporting an adult. I had thought, with all of the talk during his time of dire need, that I would ultimately get some sort of break when he was feeling slightly better, but alas my break has not come. That makes me feel sad and bitter some days, but I remember that I supported others for a reason, because I love deeply and enjoy being that person for others. I can't be that person forever and be happy, but during a dire time of need, I am perfectly okay being that person.

When you can’t discuss your feelings aloud in any way that gets heard, accepted and listened to, you just tend to slip away. You don’t bother discussing anything and you let the body language and difference in ways lead you towards decisions that aren’t 100% comfortable for you. There are changes that keep happening and some I don’t have control over for they are the other person or me just knowing in my soul what the other person would be happier with. I feel like communication has broken down and there’s no way for one person to fix it. 

Sometimes I hate being able to read the energy of others and knowing what’s to come, for it’s nothing you can discuss with someone who doesn’t get it for they will just tell you that you are crazy, insecure or emotional. You see, it is not any of those things. I am not crazy, nor insecure nor emotional, I actually have an innate ability to just know things and with that comes me trying to explain or discuss things with someone who simply doesn’t want to hear it or open their mind to it. These times are hard, but they have been since September so I don’t expect things changing anytime soon. 

Please remember to not be like me, whenever you feel that energy or see the body language of someone you love being different, speak up and speak out. If you cannot speak up or speak out without fear of doors slamming, silent treatment or being yelled at, then you must rethink what you really are doing here in the first place. Perhaps get a counselor, therapists are great at helping to move forward from times like these!